France Invades US (Part 11)
, For parts 1 to 10 click here
Satire, By Jerry Ghinelli
The government of France announced early today that former US President George Walker Bush was executed for crimes against humanity, after all his legal appeals had been thoroughly exhausted. French liberation forces, the very same who invaded the US back in 2003 to bring democracy to the American people, handed the former President George W. Bush over to a newly elected, Vichy-style American administration. Shrouded in ski masks to conceal their identity, the American executioners, who would later identify themselves only as Northeast liberals, immediately transported their prisoner, a defiant George W. Bush, from his damp, dirty prison cell in the walled-off enclave in Washington, DC, to the gallows at an undisclosed location. In his hand clutching the same Bible that he had used for his inauguration back in January 2001, Bush remained defiant to the end, declaring the French invasion of the US illegal and those Americans who had collaborated with the hated French “traitors.” He called on all his supporters and opponents, Black and White, Christian and Jewish, rich and poor, to unite and expel the French invaders from the North American continent. After a lengthy trial by a series of judges, approved by Paris, George W. Bush was convicted for crimes committed against his own people while he reigned as governor of the State of Texas in the 1990s. Bush was condemned to the gallows for executing 152 Texas prisoners using lethal chemicals concealed in hypodermic needles. All 151 men and one woman (Karla Faye Tucker) had proclaimed their innocence and referred to the Texas legal system as old-West, cowboy-style, kangaroo justice. Bush, however, cheated history and never stood trial for his alleged international crimes, which stemmed from his illegal invasions of Iraq and Afghanistan. Those actions defied international law and resulted in the deaths of hundreds of thousands of innocent civilians, said a spokesman for the French government. On vacation at his villa in Nice, French President Jacques Chirac issued a brief statement, declaring that justice had been served to the brutal tyrant who enslaved the American people during his long reign of terror: “This is an important milestone in America becoming a democracy that can govern itself.” Chirac rejoiced at the collective will of the American people and concluded his brief statement with his customary “Vive la France” patriotic boast. It was French president Chirac’s decision, back in March 2003, to invade the US in order to abolish America’s weapons of mass destruction, sever links to terrorist groups—such as Britain's MI6 and Israel’s Mossad—and bring peace and security to the special people of French Quebec.
Chirac often likened the US, along with Israel and Britain, as part of an “axis of evil.” Bush, you’ll recall, was captured in a spider hole a few miles from his ranch in Crawford, Texas, back in December 2003. Long-haired, bearded and wearing his trademark cowboy hat, the former US President was shaking and begging for mercy, according to the corporate French media. French troops arrested Bush and mocked the 43rd president of the US with a sarcastic French greeting: “Le Président Chirac envoie ses égards” (President Chirac sends his regards). Bush supporters, however, dispute this version, and witnesses claim that Bush was brandishing his defiant smirk and, in the spirit of Davy Crockett, resisted the French troops and bravely fought them in hand-to-hand combat as he repeatedly shouted, “God bless America” at the overwhelming French forces. Soon the French called special elections in America, citing the illegitimacy of the Bush regime that, they claim, had seized power in 2000 in a fraudulent election. The newly formed US government, modeled on the French parliamentary system, ended years of tyranny inflicted on the American people who, proclaimed Chirac, are now free to enjoy the freedoms that the French people have always enjoyed. To date the French have spent over 300 billion euros and lost 3,000 soldiers, along with nearly 25,000 wounded, in their special sacrifice to guarantee security for France, bring peace and democracy to the good and well-deserving American people, and free them from the tyranny of the Bush regime and his cabal of neo-Con terrorists. Some skeptics, however, claim that the invasion of America had nothing to do with French security, freeing the American people or eliminating 10,000 nuclear weapons the US possessed at the time of the invasion. Rather it was to extend French hegemony on the North American continent; control the vast American natural resources; replace the Petrodollar with the PetroEuro as the world’s reserve currency, and provide security and prosperity for the newly formed, break-away nation of French Quebec. Having seceded from Canada after years of persecution through Anglo-American racism and bigotry, the democratic French nation of Quebec emerged as the only democracy on the entire North American continent, claimed Chirac. On the streets of American cities, the reaction to the execution of the former American president was mixed. While many traditional liberal Democrats despised the 43rd president, they remained perplexed and conflicted at the seemingly illegitimate trial, which defied international law and had all the earmarks of French manipulation. The former American system, wherein all men are presumed innocent, has been replaced by a newly inspired French system, modeled more on Robespierre than on Madison, noted one American, who wanted to remain anonymous. To most of the American people, the sight of their former president, hanged by a puppet-like government whose strings are pulled in Paris, was both troubling and humiliating. True, according to recent opinion polls, 71% of Americans despised the tyrant Bush, but 90% of Americans, despite being “liberated” by the French from the illegal, illegitimate and dangerous Bush neo-Con regime, hate the French so much more. The devout Christian supporters vowed to intensify their resistance to the French occupation and praised Bush as a martyr. The hanging of Bush, like the hanging of John Brown back in 1859, said one, will serve as a lightning rod for war. A spokesman for Chirac chuckled at the remark, suggesting that John Brown was a terrorist who, like Bush, had been brought to justice with a rope around his neck. He referred to the American Civil War, which took place from 1860 to 1865, as well as to the chaos caused by the 2003 French invasion as simply “sectarian strife.” Stuff happens, he quipped. The French corporate media appeared gleeful as it rolled macabre, grainy video footage of the final minutes of the former US President’s life. French politicians declared another corner has been turned in their divinely inspired mission to free the American people from the tyranny of the Bush regime, the British collaborators and all those Judeo-Christian fascists. On the streets of Paris, though, it was still Paris Hilton’s exploits rather than George Bush’s execution that remained the most important news of the day. This, of course, was only eclipsed by the recent decrease in the price of petrol and the record stock market close of the French CAC 40. The citizens of France cannot grasp the ingratitude of the American people for the sacrifices made by the French in blood and treasure on their behalf. They claim the Americans are not worthy of democratic self-rule, citing hundreds of years of their savagery towards Native Americans, African Americans, a bloody civil war, internment of Japanese Americans and countless race riots throughout America’s turbulent history.
“Can’t these people just get along?” noted one French pundit. George W. Bush has received the justice he denied to his victims, said a determined Jacques Chirac. When asked if the execution of the former US president was manipulated by Paris rather than being the will of the American people, Chirac dodged the question by reciting the lyrics from a song by Bob Dylan. “Remember,” he said, “the executioner’s face is always well hidden.” Yes, “and it’s a hard rain that’s gonna fall.”